Dad Says...

Don't ask me, ask your mother.

Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.

You didn't beat me. I let you win.

Big boys don't cry.

Don't worry. It's only blood.

Don't you know any normal kids?

Now you listen to ME, Kiddo!

Coffee will stunt your growth.

A little dirt never hurt anyone.

Get your elbows off the table.

I told you, keep your eye on the ball.

Who said life was supposed to be fair?

Always say please and thank you. That way, you get more.

If you forget, you'll be grounded till the end of the world.

You call that a haircut?

"Hey" is for horses.

This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money?

Where'd you learn to whisper, in a sawmill?

Don't give me any of your lip, young lady.

You call that noise "music"?

We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are.

No, we're not there yet.

Shake it off. It's only pain.

When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.

As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.

I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why.

Do what I say, not what I do.

What's so funny?

Wipe that smile off your face.

Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times!

You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.

This is your last warning.

I'm not sleeping. I was reading that book.

What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?

I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!

A little pain never hurt anybody.

I knew how to cook when I was your age, young lady!

Don't take yourself so seriously, take what you do seriously!

Laugh at yourself first, you'll take the bite out of others doing so for you.

You're always a winner if you lose with a smile.

Go tell your mother she wants you.

That's the best way I know to put out an eye!

You could drive a wooden man nuts!

In MY day......

Eat it! It will grow hair on your chest!

Don't forget to check your oil.

Four things come not back:
time past, the spoken word,the sped arrow and a missed opportunity.

You can want in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up first.

If your brother jumped off a bridge would you?

If your he stood in front of an oncoming train, would you do it because he did it?

If I didn't love you so much I wouldn't punish you...I would let you do whatever you wanted.

Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry.

You have things so easy!

When I was your age I had to walk to school in 10 feet of snow up hill both ways!

You're only young once.

You're gonna like it, whether you like it or not!

The early bird gets the worm. Rise and shine!

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

How many times do I have to pound that into you?

I'm not lost, it's just over the next hill!

If you want to do something, do it because you want to.
Don't do it because someone else did.

As long as you tried your hardest, that's all that matters.

What do you think this is, your birthday?

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts then we'd all have a merry Christmas.

Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.

What do you think I am, a bank?

What part of NO don't you understand?

I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody elses father!

You're not leaving my house dressed like that! What will other parents think?

Could those sleeves be any longer?

Headache remedy: Put your head through the window and the pain will be gone.
Headache remedy: Hit your big toe with a hammer and you'll forget about your headache.
Headache remedy: Drop a brick on your foot and you'll forget you ever had a head!

Worrying about things you can't change is like a rocking chair...
it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Hurt much? I didn't feel a thing.

You march right back down those stairs!

I feel for you, but I can't reach you from here.

Don't you slam that door at me!

If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough.

Didn't your mother learn you anything?!

Go tell your mother that her child needs a spanking.

You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.

It's hard to be good, and easy to be bad.

Don't tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.

Hey, did you hear me talking to you?

If you don't stop crying, I'll GIVE you something to cry about!

Don't use that tone with me!

Am I talking to a brick wall?

If you're not carefull, you'll grow up to be just like your mother!

If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...

Act your age.

Stop acting like a two-year old!

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Wipe your feet!

Enough is enough!

Silence.

Don't make me stop the car!

What did I just get finished telling you?

Did you hear me?

You know you're always gonna to be Daddy's little girl...